Go easier on yourself without losing your edge
Plus: join me at 3:00PM ET for a live meditation on this Inauguration Day
Many of us believe—in our marrow, in our molecules—that in order to succeed, we have to kick our own asses or live in a constant state of anxiety.
I used to believe this. And I still occasionally lapse back into this mindset, because the habit runs so deep.
But the data is clear. Self-compassion—the ability to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend—makes you more likely to reach your goals. In fact, one recent study found that NCAA athletes improved their performance after learning self-compassion skills.
It doesn’t make you soft; it doesn’t make you a doormat, but… you do have to understand the nuance. Per Kristin Neff, the scientist who has pioneered the burgeoning field of research in this area, there are two flavors of self-compassion:
Tender self-compassion is when you speak kindly to yourself about whatever failure you’re enduring. It’s about acceptance.
Fierce self-compassion is when you buck yourself up and get yourself off the couch in the manner of a good coach. It’s about action.
How do you know which strategy to deploy, and when? Get into the habit of asking yourself this question:
What do I need right now?
It’s perhaps the pre-eminent self-compassionate question. It’s had a huge impact on my life. I suspect it can for you.
Click to hear or watch my conversation with Kristin Neff and her longtime research partner Chris Germer. They have a new book about how to use self-compassion to reduce burnout. Paid subscribers get a cheatsheet to the episode, below, with key takeaways and a full transcript.
Speaking of something you might need on this Inauguration Day: I’ll be guiding a free, live meditation at 3:00 PM ET on the Substack app. After the meditation, I’ll take your questions.
I’ll do it again Tuesday and Wednesday, also at 3:00 PM ET. Tomorrow, I’ll have a special guest: CNN’s Van Jones. On Wednesday, it’s Sharon McMahon, a.k.a. “America’s government teacher.” Paid subscribers can submit questions in advance via the chat to me, Van or Sharon, and those questions will get priority.
You can watch last night’s session—meditation + Q&A, right here.
Below, paid subscribers get a cheatsheet of today’s 10% Happier podcast. Paid subscribers can also join the chat, comment on posts, participate in monthly live AMAs, and more.
Episode cheatsheet
The big takeaway
Self-compassion experts Kristin Neff and Chris Germer discuss how self-compassion can be a powerful tool for combating burnout. They explain the three components of self-compassion - kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity - and how these can be applied to reduce stress, set boundaries, and improve overall well-being in the face of chronic workplace pressure.
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