How to talk back to your anger

A jiu-jitsu move for rage

You may have noticed I’ve done quite a bit of programming on anger lately. There are two reasons for this. First, as I have mentioned before, anger is one of my more prominent demons. Second, we are in the middle of a dumpster fire of a presidential election, so anger is particularly relevant right now.

Today, a wise and subtle jiu-jitsu move for when you’re bombarded by a blast of rage, from a dharma teacher named Matthew Brensilver.

Three steps:

1. Next time you get pissed, try to remember not to act on it reflexively. Do the deeply counterintuitive and uncomfortable thing of sitting with it. That doesn’t mean stewing. It means investigating mindfully. How does anger show up in your body? Check out how anger, per Matthew, “longs for a certain kind of satisfaction.”

2. Talk back to it. Find your own language. Some suggested phrases from Mathew include: This (anger) cannot work out; This cannot do what I want it to do; and This is a dead end. 

3. Let the pain of consciously, mindfully sitting with the anger burn the wisdom of whatever phrase you choose into your mind. Every time you repeat this process, you may understand the disutility of anger more deeply.

This wisdom bomb from Matthew is from today’s podcast episode, where my executive producer, DJ Cashmere, interviewed a trio of meditation maestros about how to handle anger, and then discussed his learnings with me.

Both Matthew and DJ will be in the subscriber-only chat today and tomorrow. Hit them up with questions/thoughts/reactions.

Below, paid subscribers get a cheatsheet of the episode with a list of key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a full transcript. If you sign up, you’ll also get access to the chat, ability to comment on this and other posts, monthly live-streamed AMAs, and more.