Suffer well—so you can suffer less

Advice from a Buddhist monk

Bad shit happens to all of us. It’s non-negotiable. But it’s how you handle your troubles that will determine how bad the overall experience will be.

When something unpleasant happens—we lose our car keys, we lose a job, or we lose someone we love—many of us succumb to the cultural pressure to suck it up and move on.

But the hurt, sadness, and anger is still there. We’ve just compartmentalized it. Which doesn’t really work. The emotions just haunt you from some back alley of your mind.

The Buddhist move is radical: to fully feel whatever emotion is coming up. To sit with it, to metabolize it, so you can actually move on.

In this way, learning to suffer well will help you to suffer less.

Here’s a nice little acronym (props to both Michele McDonald and Tara Brach) that can help when you suffer in dignity, both large and small:

R.A.I.N:

• Recognize. Be mindful of whatever emotion you’re feeling.

• Allow. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to shove it down. Let it be there.

• Investigate. This is where things get a little bit more empowering. Use your mindfulness to check out how the emotion is manifesting. Fluttering in the chest, pit in the stomach, heat in your ears? Put the seemingly monolithic emotion through a cheese grater.

• Nurture. In moments like these, there’s abundant evidence that if you talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend, it can be massively helpful.

Today on the podcast, I chop it up with Brother Pháp Dung about how to suffer well in order to suffer less. We also talk about the Buddhist notion of “wrong view,” and many other things.

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The next live sesh for paid subscribers is today at 4:30PM ET. You’ll get notified when I go live, and you can watch on the Substack app or via your desktop. Join the party.

Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Brother Pháp Dung discusses the life and teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, emphasizing the concept of inter-being as an antidote to individualism and materialism. He explores how, in his view, learning to suffer well and cultivating community can lead to a more meaningful and balanced life.

Embracing inter-being: Thich Nhat Hanh's wisdom for modern life