When other people piss you off, try this

Curiosity is not capitulation

With election day tomorrow, it’s perhaps easier than ever to find your fellow members of Homo sapiens infuriating. But even when there’s no election, it’s pretty easy to let other people piss you off (or simply annoy you). As I often say, one of the curses of being human is that we need other people, and other people can be a titanic pain in the ass.

Here’s an antidote: get curious. Why do other people believe what they believe? Why do they vote the way they vote? What happened to them to provoke whatever behavior you find suboptimal? 

Some people worry that curiosity will lead to capitulation. But I don’t think that’s true. In my experience, it leads to something else: understanding. Which can improve your life in two ways. First, when you attempt to understand people, you’re satisfying one of their deepest needs, which can make them way less annoying. And second, even if understanding other people doesn’t change their behavior, it can change yours. Clear seeing is a much more easeful and effective inner stance than reflexive rage.

On my podcast today, I talked about this with Rabbi Sharon Brous (who deserves the credit for the curiosity/capitulation coinage).

Listen to the whole episode here.

Also, heads up: Today—and every day this week—I’ll be leading a live, guided meditation followed by a Q&A at 11a EST. Everyone is welcome, but you do need to download the Substack app. Hope to see you there.

Paid subscribers can access a podcast cheatsheet, which includes key takeaways, time-stamped highlights, and a full transcript of today’s episode. Subscribers can also comment on posts, participate in the chat, access live video AMAs, and more.